A Typical Trip to the Dentist (Well, Typical for Me)

My front teeth are excellent. My back teeth are complete shite. I’ve finally gotten the ball rolling by making my first trip to my new dentist here in Pasadena.

The woman who took me in, gave me the tour, and took my xrays was full of compliments for me:

– Your hair is so pretty!

– Your front teeth are beautiful!

–¬†Wow, your tongue is really strong. Like, REALLY STRONG.

– Whoa, you don’t even have a gag reflex!

So, after the full panel of xrays, the doctor came in to look at them and go over them with me. Before looking at them at all, he introduces himself and asks me what I think my teeth situation is.

Me: “Well, I’m pretty sure I have a few cavities. Tooth number 2 was extracted a couple years ago.”

Doctor: “Why the extraction?”

Me: “It all began with the Great Tooth Explosion of 1997. Then I got a crown. Then it slowly deteriorated until we had to drag it out back and shoot it.”

Doctor: lolz

Me: “Also, I’ve chipped tooth number 18 and that tooth has so much composite in it that it probably needs a crown. Same with tooth number 31. And tooth number 14 needs to be extracted and I’ll need an implant.”

Doctor: “Whoa whoa whoa, extraction seems pretty extreme”

He looks at the xray.

Doctor: “Sooooooo, yeah. I think you may want to raise the white flag on tooth number 14 and get an implant.”

So, my self-diagnosis was correct with the extra added bonus that I have a super strong jaw and have grinded my back teeth to the point of them being flat. That is no good. He wants me to have a mouth guard, which is $500+ and not covered by my insurance.

Also, I have a crossbite, which I knew about, but I didn’t know how it affected my teeth. It is no bueno. He gave me a referral for an orthodontist so that I can get a consultation for braces. Which are not covered by my insurance because I’ve already been through puberty.

And yes folks, I have been to the dentist so many times in my life that I know the numbers of some of my teeth. I shouldn’t be proud of this, but I am.

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