I’m not an animalologist

Late last night, as we were coming home from the theatre, Cole had to hit the brakes because there was an animal (clearly not a domesticated animal) crossing the street. We were two blocks from home.

Both of us: “What’s that?”

Me: “IS THAT A JACKALOPE?!”

Cole: “What?”

Me: “IT’S A WALLABY!”

Cole: “What?! No. It’s a coyote.”

Me: “oh.”

<silence for a few seconds>

Me: “Well now I don’t feel safe walking at night in our neighborhood.”

Cole: “A coyote won’t hurt you.”

Me: “Yeah, but you’d try to pet it.”

Cole: “No I wouldn’t because –”

Me: “They’ll drop an anvil on you. Just, boom. Right on you.”

Cole: “Uh…”

Me: “OR OR OR!¬†They will paint a hole on a rock then a train will come out of it and run you over.”

Cole: “Sure, okay, I guess. I was going to say I wouldn’t try to pet it because I would be afraid it would give me mange but sure I guess your worries are also likely and valid.”

<we park the car and walk toward our apartment>

Cole: “Why did you say that was a jackalope? You know what a jackalope is, right?”

Me: “Yes. A mythical creature but also a rabbit that has the bunny version of HPV.”

Cole: “Okay. Yes. So why did you say that?”

Me: “IT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD WHEN I SAW AN UNUSUAL ANIMAL.”

Cole: “Then wallaby…”

Me: “That was the second thing that popped into my head.”

Cole: <stares at me as if I were insane>

Me: “I’m very tired, okay?”

Cole: “Okay.”

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