I have shown great braverism
Cole is away for a few days. The following conversation happened over text and phone.
First, via text:
Me: THERE WAS A CRICKET IN THE BATHROOM AND IT KEPT JUMPING AS I WAS TRYING TO KILL IT AND I ALMOST DIED AND ALMOST MESSED UP MY NAILS OMGGGGGGGG
Cole: Why did you let a cricket in to use the bathroom? Couldn’t it use the outside like a normal cricket?
Me: IT WAS NOT INVITED. IT WAS AN INTRUDER.
Cole: Oh, that makes sense then. I am glad you (and your nails) are okay
Me: I COULD HAVE DIED
Cole: But you didn’t, and Now you are stronger for it?
Me: No. I feel violated and now I got the heebie jeebies and the shakes.
Cole: Aww. You’re going to be okay.
Soon after, via phone:
Me: “YOU’RE NOT HERE AND A CRICKET TRIED TO MURDER ME AND I ALMOST DIED!”
Cole: “It did not try to murder you.”
Me: “Yeah huh! It, uh, had a knife.”
Cole: “It had a knife?”
Cole: <laughing>”It must have been a very tiny knife.”
Me: “Well, it did.”
Cole: <still laughing> “Oooookay.”
Me: “I was in the bathroom washing the Drip Dry off my hands and it was on the bath mat. Staring right at me.”
Cole: “What was it doing all the way in the bathroom?!”
Me: “Staring at me! So I grabbed a wad of toilet paper and bent down to smoosh it and it jump and I screamed and I jumped then I tried to squish it again and it jumped again and I screamed again and I jumped again and then I finally killed it on my third try.”
Cole: <laughing hard>
Me: “Also, I was naked the whole time. It was not my proudest moment.”
Cole: “Well, since you have shown such bravery you are allowed to sleep on my pillow while I am gone.”
Me: “I was planning on that anyway so thanks.”